As God is my witness, I'll never trip over myself and end up in the hospital again: dealing with injury, part three

The Question

Hi Casey,

I am a huge fan of your work, your book, and your approach to all things. I'm a 47 year old female, and I started lifting about 16 months ago thanks to Liftoff. All has been going so, so well, up until about a month ago when I sustained not one but two lifting-related injuries.

First, I dropped a 25-lb barbell plate on my foot and shattered the bone beneath my big toenail. I don't exactly know how it happened. One moment I was moving the plate onto the barbell and the next moment I was in excruciating pain. I finished my workout (it was arm day!) before going to urgent care for X-rays and a stern directive to see an orthopedic specialist within 72 hours. Fast forward a month: I'm on the mend and about to transition back into regular sneakers this week.

At about the same time, I developed a thrombosed hemorrhoid which my colorectal specialist says is from poor squat form. My brother, who also lifts, tried to explain to me that I need to be squeezing from my core, not pushing with my butt, and also that I should be exhaling as I stand up out of the squat. This sounds a lot like your "how to brace" posts, which I have read but honestly don't really understand. A personal trainer tried to demo this to me, too, but I just don't get it. It's like I can't translate it into my body. The hemorrhoid is now gone, thanks to prescription medication, but I'm scared it's going to happen again.

So both of my physical injuries are healing or healed, and I'm grateful neither was even worse. But I'm finding that the mental injuries are slower to resolve. I know the two occurrences don't necessarily have anything to do with each other except timing--one was an accident, the other poor form--but both make me feel like a total idiot, an amateur who doesn't know what she's doing. If I can't keep myself safe by handling the weights and doing squats correctly, do I even belong at the gym?

I haven't lifted since these injuries happened, and even though my doctors have both said it's fine to start again, I'm nervous and feeling a lot of self-doubt. Most of all, I feel like I don't really know what I did wrong in either case, which means I don't know how to make sure these things don't happen again. How do I get back in there the right way, both physically and mentally, with courage and confidence?

Thank you for everything you do. I'm so grateful for your impact on my life in all the ways! —Fearful

The Answer

Sometimes I read your all’s letters and wonder what your reaction would be if I was like, honestly, my answer is you shouldn’t do it. You specifically, ma’am, sound like a danger to yourself and others; you disgrace the great sport of lifting weights. Is there a part of you that would actually consider listening to me? I hope not. I can be timid, but I am also insanely defiant, and if I were you, the defiant part of me would win here. (Don't worry, it confuses me also.) But sometimes this is a useful exercise—before you even seek permission to keep going, try “not being allowed to” on for size. You may find your own resolve pretty quickly.

But let’s say you really would listen to that direction. (You shouldn’t, but let’s just say.) I’m going to share some perspective.