'Help!: My winter bulk worked'

The Question

Hi!

Love the newsletter, it’s always refreshing to read through your responses and posts, and I try to set aside time to go down all the link rabbit holes cause they’re all such great reads/watches.

I’ll get to my story/question: over last winter, I made it a point to hit the gym consistently (3 full-body lifts, compound movement-heavy) and get my protein in. I was not calorie counting, but mostly wanted to try to gain muscle and get my deadlift up. I am happy to say that I did in fact succeed, to the point that my sisters made unsolicited comments on how jealous they were of my butt and my deadlift hit 250!

But I got to summer and discovered the side effect of my new great rear end is that none of my cute shorts fit and I do not like the way I look in photos that show my arms. How can I a) feel better about my body outside of the gym (feels great when I’m throwing weight around, less so in a strappy dress at a wedding with daintier attendees) and b) get into a cut to show off more of my hard work and abate some of the aforementioned self consciousness? I’m concerned that I could go down the rabbit hole despite no previous history of disordered eating, but would like to find a way to do this so I can continue to get stronger without being afraid of getting bigger.

Thanks again!

All Caked Up with No Place to Go

The Answer

Most importantly: I can’t tell you how pleased, how thrilled, how ELATED I am to hear of your successful bulk. I’m so proud of you for committing to the mission, getting stronger, and becoming the envy of your sisters. You sowed a field of gains, and they bloomed. I hope you had as much fun doing it as you are having enjoying its many fruits!

First, I want to direct you to the previous Ask A Swole Woman, “Help! I started to lift, gained ten pounds, and it’s making me spiral tbh.” That piece covers a lot of the emotional component, and taking care of yourself spiritually is the most important part. The biggest message I want to convey is that you may just need time to adjust, for your mental/emotional to catch up with your physical, and that is okay.

The rest of this piece will focus on the more practical bits of your letter. But I do want to say a hearty “fuck off” to people who really care what anyone looks like. I have to stress, you do not want these people around anyway!!! Let them be put off by your arms, or whatever!!! That is their own warped choice, to suffer and deprive themselves of the delight of your companionship over something like that.

On mean clothes

As for your clothes not fitting, I feel you. For whatever reason, I buy so much less summer wear and rely on the same old things from ten (or, honestly, more) years ago to keep carrying me through year after year.

I understand well the feeling of not wanting to give up on your clothes: You love them; they look good; they are in perfectly good condition; you went through so much to find the perfect pair of cutoffs, or whatever, and they could return to your life if only you could stop messing around and lose those last five or ten or whatever pounds.

But here is the thing: Surrounding yourself with clothes that don’t fit is undue psychic and bodily harm. Clothes that don’t fit hurt! This is not a monastery that specializes in religious penance via corporeal punishment and hairshirts; this is your house and your life, and each precious day that you spend mad at yourself because you have only mean shorts is a wasted day.