Rich people HATE her (the unbearable forward march of time)

At least one reader requested that I comment on billionaire Bryan Johnson, a longevity guy who has stirred up a huge press cycle around all he is doing to live forever, including taking his son’s blood plasma (it didn’t work); his “longevity project,” Blueprint; and his forthcoming book, Don’t Die. My official position is that this man is the tethered of Vigo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters II, thus he will eventually return to the other dimension whence he came. The means by which he does so are none of my business. However, it’s interesting to note that, like Elon Musk, he’s not rich because of his own good ideas or labor, but because his company acquired another better idea for a product (Venmo) early on.

But what does his extremely rigid intermittent-fasting diet, his 100 supplements, his 8:30 p.m. bedtime have to offer the rest of us if we want to live long, slash “not die”? I think most people would be surprised how little eating or sleeping in an extremely specific way adds to your life (materially or longevit-ally). It matters that you basically eat and sleep well; it doesn’t matter precisely when you go to bed or that you eat, I don’t know, exactly ten almonds a day or whatever.

People like Bryan Johnson and Tim Ferriss and Andrew Huberman love to cite specific scientific studies and turn them into extremely specific lifestyle tips. But peer-reviewed research is not lifestyle advice. Let me say that again: Peer-reviewed research is not lifestyle advice. (I see that we have learned nothing from Dr. Oz still.)

Even more to the point, as another longevity expert noted, this all doesn’t matter because only a tiny fraction of people would have the available time and energy (and money) to emulate all of the cuckoo stuff that Bryan Johnson does. It is the least surprising thing of all that people are galvanized by his radical belief in absolute control over his biological destiny. We’d all love to have that control. We don’t. Embrace it! If this guy lives a long time, it’s because he's rich, his health will be monitored, he will have access to treatments. Rich people fixate on living long because money is powerless against death and the linearity of time.

In this spirit, I’m unlocking one of my paid columns from earlier this year, “What everyone got wrong about ‘eat less to live longer.’” It may not surprise you to learn that many continue to get the same things wrong now as then, to this very day!

What everyone got wrong about “eat less to live longer”

A journey into the dark heart of late 2000s scientific research, magazine reporting, and the Calorie Restriction Society.

She's A BeastCasey Johnston

Eat

~Liftcord Pick of the Week: I’d like to share a brief Ask A Swole Woman moment, just because gym etiquette contains a thousand and one mysteries. One reader came in with this quandary:

“There was an old lady and her trainer in the squat cage where the only barbell lives and they were doing some thing on a bouncy ball that had nothing to do with anything in the squat cage (it was clearly just a convenient spot) and I felt really weird about asking them to move.”

Swole Woman Court is now in session: Can she, should she, must she ask them to move, in the spirit of “squat racks are for squatting”? Or should she let them be, because their choice of location appears deliberate?

I’m touched by the thought of not wanting to interrupt a non-traditional gym member’s session. The presence of the trainer also gives this situation an imprimatur it wouldn’t have otherwise.

But! Monopolizing equipment without using it is still against the law of the gym land. It’s possible that this was really and truly the only place where there was room to stand, but I very much doubt that. Regardless of what the trainer or their client says, they shouldn’t be there. That doesn’t mean you need to start a holy war to evict them, but they are in the wrong. So, time for them to go.

But how? I would direct the following question at the trainer: “Excuse me, but are you guys using this?” And then slap the rack and/or barbell like a horse’s flank. From this, the trainer should intuit that I want to actually use it, that they are in the way, and they should move. This is far and away what is most likely to happen.

In the unlikely event the trainer did anything but immediately move, and started in with excuses and explanations, I would immediately give up and not argue with them at all. Then the question becomes, “How many more sets do you have/how much more time do you need?” They should give me a number. This lets me plan out my session but also, more importantly, gets them to commit to yielding the squat rack eventually, and lets them know they shouldn’t dawdle because someone is waiting. These are all eminently normal gym interactions, and you would not be doing anything even remotely rude or presumptuous here.

~

The only attitude that there is, was, or will ever be: Kobe Bryant didn’t play to win or lose. He played to figure things out.

Older gentleman jumping off public pool diving board is, in fact, goals.

There’s a minor debate raging about whether the girlification of women (girlhood, girl dinner, hot-girl walks) is regressive. Your honor, I present the way in which “The Boys” have been “Back in Town” since 1976 and it hasn’t held them back for a single minute.

A couple weeks ago I linked that new spiral tampon design, and how I’ve never really found any tampon to operate as intended. Turns out tampons don’t get tested on clumpy menstrual blood! I had no idea.

The Rugby World Cup is on, and the New Zealand team is back on their bullshit (performing their haka to great effect).

Drink

Cool!: Registered dietitian influencers are shilling for Big Food and Supplements on social media. At this point I’m just roaming around for the country, begging for anything, anything at all, to be illegal.

Ctrl-F’ing this article on why you’re always cold for “eating disorder,” getting nothing.

Everyone’s voice is down an octave due to vaping.

If anyone approached my hypothetically pregnant self in a grocery store and tried to speak to me of food choices, they’d leave with two popped eardrums.

Rest

I want to give a shoutout to my friends at the new indie tech publication 404 Media! I can hardly think of anyone who’s been breaking news for longer or more consistently than this team. Come for the film photography blog, stay for the exclusives on companies faking AI tech with human labor.

Amazing evisceration of Elon Musk and his biographer, Walter Isaacson.

Making tiny New York things and becoming the toast of the town: what a dream.

Me and cars were already not on good terms, but I also find new cars and all their tech features creepy.

I love my ally-in-lifting Patrick Wyman’s new podcast, The Pursuit of Dadliness.

Splitting your 65-hour-a-week job between two people doesn’t seem like something you should have to innovate; that’s just two full-time jobs, babe. But hey, if they’ll pay us each a 20% premium for doing so—say less!

That’s all for this week! I love you for reading, thank you, let’s go—